Wedding... No more adding

Do not loose your hands. There is always someone watching you.



Wow! It really went well. Seems like the groom had hell of a good time.



Seems like she really likes birds. This babe looks like she’s holding a huge nasty leach in her hands. Don’t let get away, honey!



The Matrix in combination with Michael Jordan. Pretty good couple.



These guys know well how to have fun. Hope they don’t chew each other nipples until bleeding while making love.



This little Cinderella must’ve grown up on Silvestre Stalone movies. The real Rambo’s girlfriend.





Love IS a crazy thing. Well, glad for them: they really found each other.

Maybe you have to be a Kiwi for this one?

Two boys are playing with a rugby ball on the street outside Eden Park,when one is attacked by a vicious rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy took a stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attack.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Warrior Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Warriors fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Auckland, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.

"All Black Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack,...." he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not an All Black fan either!" the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Auckland was either for the Warriors or the All Blacks. So what team DO you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Roosters and Wallaby fan!", the child beamed.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

"Little Bastard from Australia Kills Beloved Family Pet."

The Trooper

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn, the wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,

"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," She replies, (Thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

The Mule

An old farmer had a horrible mother-in-law who nagged him mercilessly. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his mother-in-law brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice she looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

The Magician and the Parrot

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good. He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, "It's in his sleeve!"

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, "It's in his pocket!"

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, "I give up, what'd you do with the ship?"

World's Biggest Whiners

A study by the FDS research group reveals that French workers are the world's biggest whiners while the Irish complain least about their lot.

The History of Cinco de Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.