ON THE MINDS OF MEN

Daddy’s little helper is no longer the young son holding a flashlight. It’s the little blue pill that made Bob Dole and Rafael Palmeiro sexual dynamos–and fodder for late-night hosts. But the Viagra that has helped thousands of men with erectile dysfunction has turned into a recreational drug, with healthy men using it for bionic erections–better, stronger, harder–that last well into the morning. Harmless bedroom fun? A crutch for guys with no confidence? Or illicit abuse of a prescription drug that’s as easy to buy as vitamins? Here’s what you told us.

Have you ever used Viagra or some other erection helper recreationally, when you didn’t need it?

Yes 22%

No 78%

Yes, and it made me feel like the Ginsu knife–it sliced, it diced, it cut a soda can in half, and it still worked!

JERRY, 42

Ironically, I tried Viagra once, and it made me so nauseous that the star performer was unable to stand tall. Not a pleasant or ego-inspiring experience.

STEVE, 32

NO. Unfortunately, I’m not in a position to "not need it."

KEITH, 45

I try all sex pills "recreationally" before the real test. No sense in having to tell my partner, "Maybe we’d better try this tomorrow; it’s a no-show today."

DOC, 68

No. I find it amazing that so many people would just pop a pill that is supposed to be administered by a doctor through a prescription. Would you take heart medication without checking with your doctor first?

JOE, 44

Do you view this kind of use as harmless fun, or a subconscious crutch ?

Fun 31%

Crutch 69%

It has nothing to do with confidence. It’s a sexual experiment, same as trying a new position or a toy. People worry too much about things being appropriate. Sex is supposed to be fun.

EARL, 28

Crutch. Being a better lover means a lot more than just an erection.

DONALD, 36

"Crutch" isn’t the best word. I take Viagra regularly, and it’s taken the anxiety out of sex. I know I’ll be able to last until my wife is satisfied.

KARL, 45

Fun! Taking half a pill after the first time ensures that my wife and I can make love more than once. It makes more sex possible, and that’s always a good thing.

DAN, 45

Have you ever obtained Viagra without prescription? If so, how did you get it?

Yes 18%

No 82%

A friend of mine who works at a doctor’s office snagged some free samples.

MARC, 43

If you have a friend like I do who sells pharmaceutical drugs, it’s easy to get.

OREN, 29

Like everything else, you can get it on the Internet. One click overnight delivery, and you’re standing tall before the woman in less than 24 hours. Should it be that easy? Probably not. But it is.

EDDIE. 34

What men still don’t understand about women & sex

We got guys to reveal the intimate, embarrassing, surprising things they really want to know about how to make sex with you better, sweeter, hotter. Here, the good news you can both use.

As far as sex goes, we men have only two questions. They sum up every curiosity we’ve ever had, every mystery were yearned to unravel.

1. Now?

2. Why not now?

Well, those are the only official questions. Unofficially, there are a few others we’d like to ask, some that pertain to certain puzzles that have nagged at us since time commenced. Just don’t expect to hear them aloud, because there’s little chance that we’ll ask you the sex questions that we really want answers to. You might freak out. Or dial 911. Or, worst of all, you might discover how clueless we are.

So just what are men’s most burning bedroom riddles? Here–according to sex therapists and an unofficial poll of dozens of men who participated in this stow only under a veil of secrecy–are the questions that are likely simmering in your guy’s head right now. Plus, you’ll find some tips on how you can help him learn the answers in the least humiliating way possible.

1 "She loves foreplay. My repertoire is a little limited and, honestly, foreplay’s not my favorite part of sex. Any new tricks I can surprise her with?"

If men tend to rush through foreplay, it’s because we–to put it mildly–don’t see it the same way you do. We’re ready for sex the moment we have an erection. Delaying intercourse when we have an erection and a willing woman nearby? That’s idiotic, according to our biological wiring. Look, we may have only so many potent hours in our lifetime. Asking us to waste even a precious few minutes on foreplay doesn’t jibe with our evolutionary programming.

To us, foreplay has only one purpose: to get you craving penetration as quickly as possible, by warming you up and helping you lubricate. To make that happen, we may touch you the way we like to be touched sexually–i.e., we make a rush for the genitals. "Women usually enjoy the lightest, feathery, teasing touch in areas that men don’t necessarily think of as erotic, such as the face, hair, neck, and the sides of her body," says sex therapist Aline P. Zoldbrod, Ph.D., author of Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On. "Because men often don’t like to be touched like this, they don’t think to touch their partners like this."

If you really want your guy to love foreplay and get creative with it, stop calling it "foreplay" and start calling it "building anticipation." "Men want to be playful," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., a clinical assistant professor at Brown University in Providence and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. As long as we know that sex is coming eventually, making a game out of getting there can create a mind-blowing urgency–one that will soon make sex without foreplay seem dull by comparison. Two ideas to build on:

* Set a timer, and tell him he’s not allowed to take off his pants for 15 minutes. "It’ll force him to become more creative," says Haltzman, "and it has all the buildup."

* Use sex candies. Or whipped cream. Bait the areas of your body where you want more attention–all the places he misses when going in for the kill. React passionately, and you’ll soon make him a foreplay connoisseur–without uttering one (intelligible) word.

2 "She can only climax when I give her oral sex. Is this normal?"

It’s not that guys feel inadequate, mind you. It’s just that we like to see all of the effort and grit of intercourse culminate into something more than, well, you lovingly waiting to get yours. Our intentions are noble; it’s our understanding of anatomy and female arousal that’s lacking. "Men often think that intercourse triggers orgasm for women," says Sallie Foley, a marital and sexual therapist at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor and author of Sex Matters for Women. "Actually, most women need direct stimulation of their clitoris in order to have an orgasm." Few guys know that almost half of women don’t come during intercourse, so if you don’t, we may think we’re doing something wrong.

The cure for this is a little knowledge. "When couples find out this is completely normal, it takes all the pressure off," says Foley. Experiment with positions that may give your clitoris more sensation, and use a vibrator or your fingers (or have him caress you) during sex.

3 "When I’m tired or just don’t have my A-game working, I don’t know if she wants me to keep going till she comes, or give up. Should I keep soldiering on or can I tell her I want to stop?"

If you can’t imagine why he couldn’t just say, "I’ve had it–can we pick this up again tomorrow?" you’ve clearly never been a man. Quitting mid-game just because you’re losing is a real weenie move. So when you sense that he’s been pistoning on sheer willpower, cut him a face-saving break. Change the rhythm. Kiss your guy and say, "Let’s stop just a minute–I want to put on some music," suggests Haltzman. Looking through CDs will break his "must-please-her" trance and mercifully let him collapse on the mattress. When you climb back into bed, stroke his chest or his back. He’ll already be asleep.

4 "Our lovemaking’s become routine. Plow can I get her to consider something new without having her freak out?"

He’s smart to be wondering about this, and it should be on your mind, too. "Routines are dangerous to sexual relationships because they can mean you’ve stopped paying attention," says Russell J. Stambaugh, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Ann Arbor, MI. "Arousal and desire ere all about attention."

We have countless common sexual fantasies, but those that involve you–our steady partner, and a woman who knows where we live–comprise a much shorter list. "The number one thing that guys want to try is anal sex," says Haltzman. If you’re flatly not into it, tell him you’d like to have more sex in the doggie-style position, Haltzman suggests. A simulation is better than a total rejection.

Among the other wishes men cite repeatedly: more oral sex, bondage or S&M play, having you dress provocatively for us and do a striptease, and threesomes. Some couples might discuss these ditties as casually as they would a grocery list. You and your guy aren’t among them? Then be compassionate if he suggests something that you’re not down with. Chiefly, restrain from laughing and saying, "When hell freezes!" "He’s putting himself on the line by asking this and probably feels pretty anxious." says Haltzman. You want to convey that you take his sick, perverse needs seriously. The winning response: "Let’s think of something that can be just as exciting that I’m into, too."

And remember, we might crave the kinky stuff, but almost anything new–a different perfume, a tight-fitting tee–can add a jolt when we’re in a rut. We’re pretty easy to please.

5 "What is the most expert way to hit expert way to hit her alleged G-spot?"

The G-spot has been the best and worst thing ever to happen to men. It’s incredibly empowering to think there’s a magic button we can push to make you blow through the gates of ecstasy. And it’s infuriating and humiliating when we can’t find this damned button or make it work.

A secret: as long as you come, we’re happy. It’s when you can’t come–or when we decide that we must do some experimenting, perhaps with your encouragement–that we begin looking for that mystical button-size zone on your upper vaginal wall. Every literate man in America over 25 has read the directions on G-spot stimulation at least 30 times: When you’re fully aroused, he’ll put his finger inside you, press up toward your navel, and lightly stroke you beck and forth in a "come hither" fashion.

And then you’ll explode like an H-bomb.

Right?

Not necessarily, Just as many women won’t orgasm from intercourse alone, many women don’t respond to G-spot stimulation, says Zoldbrod. If it does nothing for you, show us what does put you over the top. Rest assured, we’ll happily do whatever works.

6 "She doesn’t want me to go down on her if she hasn’t showered immediately beforehand, even though I tell her that it’s not necessary. Why is she so self-conscious?"

Guys are not bashful about receiving oral sex, so when a woman is reluctant to receive it, we can’t relate. We did learn during our dating days, however, that women fall into three camps regarding cunnilingus: They either love it, accept it but wish we’d stop, or close the gates of Oz and say, "No way, no how." Occasionally even a fervent female fan will decline. "I didn’t know I’d be exposed tonight," one lover shyly said to me, perhaps because it had been 72 hours since she waxed.

To date, I have never said that while holding up my boxers.

If you see your guy’s head traveling downward, consider any fears about your odors or tastes to be unfounded. Interestingly, your scents likely seem stronger and more unpleasant to you than they do to him, because you have a keener sense of smell (perhaps to prevent you from eating something poisonous while pregnant, scientists speculate). How much keener? A study of 50 subjects conducted by researchers at the State University of New York at Albany found that 19 out of 32 women could identify the scent of their own underarm odors (on gauze pads worn overnight, if you must know), while only one of 18 men could identify their own odor. And women rated their own scents and those of other females as more unpleasant than males did. So we detect aromas differently, which was probably apparent to you the first time you set foot in our apartment.

So let him be spontaneous, won’t you?

If no amount of logic will make you comfortable, then shower together first, says Zoldbrod. All you need to say: "Honey, I know you love how I taste, but this will let me have a great orgasm with no distractions."

7 "I love it when she initiates sex. How can I get her to do it more often?"

Men have wanted this since the Neolithic period. But unfortunately, even after all these years, we still don’t always recognize it when it’s happening. "His idea of her initiating sex might mean her prancing into the room in a negligee, and her idea may be giving him an extra-long kiss when he comes home," says Stambaugh. If he doesn’t take the bait, even because he’s had a stressful day at work, you may feel rejected and decide that you’ll leave the initiating to him.

This miscommunication illustrates a common problem. Women expect men to intuit things from obvious hints–such as "those earrings would look great with my new dress"–and then become frustrated when guys miss the message. With men, you need to be explicit, says Haltzman. Look him in the eye (or send him a text message) and say, "Would you like to make love tonight?" Or be more playful and say, "How about a roll in the hay, soldier?" Either will thrill him. If you want to devise a subtler sign (such as, say, asking him to shave before bed), tell him what the code means the first time–and don’t flip out when he forgets it the fifth time.

8 "I think I know when she’s had an orgasm, but there’s always the chance that she’s faking. How can I tell that she had a real one?"

To us, making you orgasm is like seeing the golf ball fall into the cup. Until that happens, it ain’t over. We just keep on stroking and hope things don’t get too embarrassing. And hope we have the energy to do it 17 more times.

The catch: The damned ball is invisible, and only you know if we nailed the cup.

The gravest, most unsporting insult you can give a man is to let him win out of pity, and the fear that you’re doing just that–by faking your orgasm–may creep into his brain if he’s the paranoid sort. Or if you’ve given him reason to suspect you of faking in the past.

Men’s magazines will tell us to look for orgasm clues like flushing and vaginal contractions, which strengthens the troubling notion that we need to be detectives. (And it becomes even more disheartening when we learn those can be faked, too.)

You can kill all of this anxiety by uttering three words: "I didn’t come."

Say this, and then show us what to do to make it happen. Then we’ll know and trust that you’ll speak up when you don’t get yours. We’ll know you play fair. And we won’t worry about it again.

Finally, educate us by saying another short sentence, if it’s true in your case. Tell your guy, "I don’t always need to come to have great sex with you."

"Highly sexually satisfied couples can take turns pleasing each other," says Stambaugh. You both don’t always have to reach the peak to make the trip worthwhile, and couples learn that in time. A great script to use, says Haltzman: "It’s an incredibly powerful feeling for me to see you having fun in bed, and you trying to give me an orgasm is just going to get in the way of it."

Even if that’s a lie, it’s so sexy, we won’t care.

9 "How can I make my erection last longer for her?"

"Guys often joke that when they’re in their early 20s, their erections are so firm that they could hang a towel on them," says Foley. (This frightens guests who enter the bathroom, however.) Of course, as a guy ages, what once held up a wet bath towel at 70 degrees may now only support a washcloth parallel to the ground.

We don’t greet this change happily.

"Men often buy into the male myth about how they should be performing," says Zoldbrod. If your guy is distracted during sex by thinking about his erection, he’ll probably lose it. Learning that it’s normal for his erection to wax and wane while he’s making love can help a great deal. Sure, in his 20s, his erection stayed hard even when he wasn’t being fondled. But now, if he’s getting no touch, there’s a natural "relaxation" until he becomes aroused again. Men need to know that they can ask for stimulation to stay hard, Zoldbrod says. (For your part, remember to include his inner thigh and perineum–the sensitive region under his testicles–as well as the penis.) And if he’s unable to have an erection at all, consult a doctor. Many curable or treatable conditions could be to blame. If he’s overweight or has high blood pressure or diabetes, you may have found your culprit.

10 "Sex once a week is plenty for her, but not for me. Can I do anything about it besides hinting and pleading?"

We know that a dip in sex drive after marriage is normal in women. We heard the jokes at bachelor parties, and married life has confirmed the rumor. So has science; a British survey of more than 11,000 men and women ages 18 to 64 found that women had a decline in sexual desire after about three years of marriage, and in their 30s and 40s, many had sex drives that were lower than the men their ages had. Women with small children were more likely to report problems.

What’s behind the dip? Researchers attribute it to women’s decreasing testosterone levels; men have 10 times as much of the sex hormone as women do, so to expect that we’d all have the same level of desire is ludicrous. Life pressures weigh women down, too. "Women in their mid- to late 30s tend to have way too much on their plates," says Zoldbrod. Mix a demanding job with kids, and sleep becomes more indulgent than sex.

We get that. And many of us have no problem with it.

"My research has found that about 75 percent of men had stronger sex drives than their wives, but a significant percentage–more than a third–were comfortable with that," says Haltzman. Those who were okay with it tended to be older (starting in their late 30s), and to feel satisfied in their marriages overall, he explains. "Studies show that in a good marriage, sex only accounts for about 20 percent of what people say makes it good," Haltzman adds. So if the marriage is great, and you want sex once a week while we’d prefer it thrice, we probably don’t care–as long as we’re getting enough between-the-sheets time to feel like we have a loving partner.

If your guy isn’t happy with the boot-knocking frequency–a hint would be that you’ve turned down his last three overtures–bring this up and negotiate. "Men’s sex drive is more than just a biological need, it’s a drive to connect emotionally," explains Haltzman. And you, our beloved partner, are the one holding the key.

Wedding… No more adding

Do not loose your hands. There is always someone watching you.

Wow! It really went well. Seems like the groom had hell of a good time.

Seems like she really likes birds. This babe looks like she’s holding a huge nasty leach in her hands. Don’t let get away, honey!

The Matrix in combination with Michael Jordan. Pretty good couple.

These guys know well how to have fun. Hope they don’t chew each other nipples until bleeding while making love.

This little Cinderella must’ve grown up on Silvestre Stalone movies. The real Rambo’s girlfriend.

Love IS a crazy thing. Well, glad for them: they really found each other.

Maybe you have to be a Kiwi for this one?

Two boys are playing with a rugby ball on the street outside Eden Park,when one is attacked by a vicious rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy took a stick and managed to wedge it down the dog’s collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog’s neck and stopping the attack.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Warrior Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I’m not a Warriors fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Auckland, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.

"All Black Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack,…." he continued writing in his notebook.

"I’m not an All Black fan either!" the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Auckland was either for the Warriors or the All Blacks. So what team DO you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I’m a Roosters and Wallaby fan!", the child beamed.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

"Little Bastard from Australia Kills Beloved Family Pet."